Passing Notes
by Lozza-bear
Summary: They were like children passing notes in the schoolroom. Too bad the classroom was stretched over half of New York City. Set between 110 and 201. Oneshot.


A/N: Set in the time between the end of the first season and the start of the second. It might help to take note of the dates in bold at the top of each section... they may make it easier to read and understand. Lol.

Thank you so much to Double I 4 My Guyz for the beta! :)

I hope you enjoy the fic, and please, review (constructively, preferably, but I'm not fussy), even if you don't like it. I'm a big girl, I can take whatever you throw at me.

Disclaimer: I wish I did, but I don't.

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* * *

Wednesday 11****th ****November, 2009**

There was nothing like coming home from a gruelling day at the office to find a loving husband, a generous glass of wine, a hot meal and a hotter bath waiting for you. Unfortunately for Kate Beckett, when she opened the lock on her door one night in late September, nothing greeted her but the smell of stale coffee left out from yesterday's breakfast.

She sighed wistfully. Those pleasures weren't going to come her way any time soon. But that was okay. She closed the door behind her and pulled off her jacket, throwing it over the back of an armchair. Wandering towards the freezer, she wondered whether it was worth wasting energy cooking food when she hadn't been hungry for weeks. Opening the door and seeing only ice, Kate decided it wasn't worth it and continued down the hallway to run a hot bath.

While she was pouring a glass of wine to go with her bath and contemplating what novel to read, the doorman buzzed. As she wandered over to the intercom on the wall adjacent to the front door, she wondered who could be calling on her at ten thirty.

"Hey, Reggie, what's up?"

"Evening Miss Beckett," the doorman replied, his voice obscured because of static over the intercom. Kate smiled at the pronoun; it wasn't that Reggie was formal, it was an affectionate nickname. "A letter was just dropped off for you; do you want me to send it up now with Gary or do you want to wait till morning?"

"Send it up now, if that's no trouble. Thanks, Reggie." With a final farewell, Reggie hung up, and in a few minutes, Kate's doorbell rang.

She opened the door and stood face to face with a young teen. "Hey, Gary. How are you? Uncle Reggie keeping you busy?"

"He sure is. He has me down here most evenings after school's out. How have you been?" Reggie, Gary and Kate had known each other since Kate first moved into her apartment eight years ago. Since then, they'd all become fairly good friends.

"I'm doing well, thank you. Really loving work at the moment." It wasn't a total lie. Sure, work was less fun now that Castle had left. There was no one to bicker with and no one to bounce insults off. On the other hand, it had been a lot quieter lately. There was no voice chattering constantly in her ear telling her how to do her job, or how much she really, deep down, wanted Richard Castle. There was also no one to disregard her instructions, so maybe 'loving work' wasn't a _total_ lie.

"That's great. Here's your mail." He held out an A4 sized yellow envelope. "I'd better go before Uncle Reg finds a few more chores for me to do while I'm away." Gary grinned, and Kate knew that despite his words, he secretly loved being able to help out his favourite uncle.

"Thank you. See you next time, Gary." She waved him away and closed her door, studying the outer of the envelope. The author had gone to a great deal of trouble to remain anonymous and had typed her name onto the envelope.

Kate had received hate mail before. As a copper, it wasn't unusual to receive hate mail from crooks or their families, but it still freaked her out sometimes. However, most crims weren't usually smart enough to try and hide their handwriting.

Sighing, she ripped open the envelope, wondering which criminal was trying to contact her this time and how he found out her home address. She reached into the envelope, and to her surprise, pulled out a sheaf of about ten pieces of paper. Crims weren't usually _this_ annoyed with her.

Strolling towards the kitchen, she flicked through the papers. It appeared to be a long, detailed letter. Again, not something she usually received from criminals or their families. Leaning against the kitchen bench, she turned to the first page and began to read.

_Dear Kate,_

_Please don't throw this out before you read it all. I just wanted to say I am truly, deeply sorry. Once again, before you throw this away, hear me out._

_I should never have gone behind your back about your mother's case. I knew how much it would hurt you if I did; I just hoped you'd never find out. How stupid of me._

Kate rolled her eyes and flicked through the rest of the letter, paying only enough attention so as to get the point. It just seemed to go on and on, begging for forgiveness and explaining why Castle was so wrong and needed to be forgiven. There seemed to be bits and pieces of stories about some cases they'd had, explaining how he felt about the situations, and her. It was sickening. Mindless fluff and chatter that she could really do without. He was really pathetic.

Turning around and hunting through piles of unopened mail – mainly bills – Kate found a scrap bit of notepaper. After sifting a little more to find a pen, she considered what to write. Quickly, she scrawled: _Save it for Gina, Castle. You never know, it might even get on the best sellers list. After all, you _are _a fiction writer._

She knew it was nasty and uncalled for, but right then, she didn't care. Grabbing the envelope the letter came in, she blacked out her name and wrote Castle's name and address on the front.

Crossing her arms and holding the envelope as far from her body as possible, she strode out of her apartment and to the elevator on her floor. She pressed the _down_ button repeatedly, tapping her foot in impatience. When the doors opened, she stepped in and pressed the button for ground, still tapping her foot.

As the doors closed, she sighed. It would have been much more efficient to go down the stairs. Then she could have worked off some frustration as well as getting to the ground floor quicker.

Before she knew it, the doors opened to the foyer of her building. She could see Reggie and Gary sitting behind the doorman's desk chatting.

"Hey, Reggie, can I ask you to get this delivered in the morning? Address is on the front."

"Sure thing, Miss Beckett," Reggie smiled. "If you want, I can send Gary out now. His mother's just about to come and pick him up, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking a detour so Gary can take this out for you."

Kate considered. It was past ten thirty – not really a great time to send an unaccompanied teen out by himself. However, she wanted to get that letter away from her as fast as possible. "No, that's okay. It's too late, and besides: he can sweat it."

Reggie smiled again. "Sure thing, Miss Beckett. Have a nice night."

"You too, Reggie." She smiled and quickly turned on her heel in the direction of the back stairs. Time to work out frustrations.

* * *

**Thursday 12****th**** November, 2009**

"Dinner's out sweetie!" Richard Castle wiped his hands on a tea towel lying on the bench. As Alexis came bouncing into the kitchen, he picked up two plates and placed them on the table.

"Oh, enchiladas! You haven't made these for ages," she commented, sitting in front of a plate.

"Yeah, I know. How bad of me," he winked, beginning to sit opposite her. Before he could the doorbell rang. He went to open the door, expecting Martha had forgotten her keys. Pulling open the door open with a grin, his smile faltered a little when he saw who it was. "Lanie? Hi! How come the doorman didn't buzz you up?"

"Came up through the service stairs. Kate told me where they were."

"Ah. Well, come in, come in." He stood aside and motioned for her to come through the door. "Have you met Alexis, my daughter?"

Alexis rose and hurried to greet Lanie. "Hey! I've heard so much about you."

Lanie looked amused. "Have you now?" she asked, glancing in Rick's direction. Lanie looked around her, and noticing the plates on the table, looked mildly embarrassed. "Sorry to intrude on your meal."

"That's fine. Do you want some? I made extra."

Lanie looked at him and laughed. He had that twinkle in his eye again, but there was something different about it. It was less... twinkly. It was like some someone had come and beat it within an inch of its life, leaving only a trace of its original spark. She sighed. Really, Castle's poetic style rubbed off on _everyone_.

"No, thanks." She smiled. "Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you more, but could I have a word with you, Castle?"

Rick looked surprised, but tried to hide it. "Sure. Come into my office." He led the way, trusting Lanie to follow.

"Nice place you've got here," she commented, walking into the study and looking around.

"Thanks. So what did you want to see me for?"

All of a sudden, she changed. Her eyes became hard and her posture stiffened. She strode towards him, crossing half the room in two steps. "What," she spat, "did you do?" She punctuated each word with a sharp poke in the chest.

Rick threw his hands up in the universal sign for surrender. "I haven't done anything!"

She raised her eyebrow and leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. "You do realise, that as a forensic examiner who is close friends with several cops, I could murder you, leave no forensic evidence and get Ryan, and Kate to dispose of your body where no one would ever find you?"

Rick swallowed. He'd known Kate and Lanie long enough to know they were very close friends. If he infuriated one of them enough it was quite likely that the above statement would happen. "Okay... you tell me what's wrong, and I'll tell you if I had a hand in whatever it was."

Lanie considered. "Alright." Rick looked relieved and motioned for her to take a seat on his sofa. "I went into work at about seven this morning to finish up some backed up work. At about quarter past, I went up to Montgomery's office to drop off some reports. When I get up to there, Kate's sitting at her desk working."

Lanie paused, and Rick patiently waited for her to get to the point. It wasn't abnormal for Kate to be working in the early hours of the morning.

"So I drop off my reports and go over to say hi. We haven't talked for a while," she mused. "Anyway, I get there, and if looks could kill, the department would be hiring a new forensic analyst. Then she realised it was me and she calmed down. But let me tell you, she was _not_ in a good mood. She still isn't, actually. I was talking to Kevin about an hour ago and she'd been giving he and Javier hell all day. He blamed excess of paperwork."

Rick smiled slowly, imagining the scene in his head. "Sounds about right."

"I'm not finished yet. She told me over coffee in her break room that she'd had an hour's disturbed sleep last night and you had annoyed her last night more than you had in her whole life. But she wasn't even tired – just really, really pissed off.

"So. What did you do? And remember my specialities and connections," she warned, narrowing her eyes and glaring at him in a way she clearly picked up from her friend.

"I didn't think it would piss her off so much," he said quietly, sinking onto the edge of his desk.

"You never do, honey," Lanie said, a trace of a smile coming through her words as she relaxed her angry demeanour. "What did you do?"

"I sent her a letter trying to explain and apologise. I thought she'd like it because she loves my books and she'd be able to see that it came from the heart. I guess it didn't work so well."

Lanie resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands. "Castle... did you ever think that maybe she wouldn't appreciate it _because_ it was like one of your books? You're a fiction writer, and you've already written a book about her." Rick opened his mouth and began to object. "No, call it what you like if it makes you feel better, but it was a book about her. How do you think she's going to feel if you send her a seemingly heartfelt letter in a similar style?"

Rick almost smiled at how similar the ladies thought. "She sent it back with a note that said pretty much that."

Lanie smirked. "What did she say, exactly?"

He flicked aside a couple of papers on his desk and retrieved the envelope still containing the letter and the note. "Save it for Gina, Castle," he read. "You never know, it might get you on the best sellers list one day. After all, you _are_ a fiction writer."

Lanie resisted the urge to laugh. They were like children passing notes in the schoolroom. Too bad the classroom was stretched over half of New York City. The distance made it a little more difficult for Castle to pull Kate's hair to let her know how he really felt. The ME smiled at the metaphor, once again cursing how Castle's way with words seem to infect everyone he met. "Good on her. Couldn't have put it better myself. So, since you got yourself into this mess, what are you planning to do about it?"

Rick shrugged hopelessly and replaced the note in the envelope. "I don't know, Lanie, I honestly don't know what to do. What do you think?"

He looked so desperate that Lanie couldn't help feeling a mite sorry for the man. "Well, you've pretty much ensured yourself of a lifetime in her bad books, and I don't like your chances of getting out."

"I know." He sighed. "I was thinking of writing her something else; something a bit more personal."

Lanie winced. "I thought your last attempt was meant to be personalised."

Rick grimaced. "Yeah. No, I was thinking something... I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet."

"Well, be careful. I wouldn't recommend writing something else, because it might put you deeper in her bad books – like for eternity, instead of just your lifetime. I really think that your best option might be just to talk to her. Let her see that you're sincere and aren't writing the next Nikki Heat novel."

He frowned. "I would try and talk to her, but I _can't_. I can't see her at home because she won't let me anywhere near her. I can't see her at work because – besides the fact that she's probably got security to list me as a _persona non grata_ – she won't let me near her, and she's got a whole building full of loyal co-workers."

"Yes, that's all true, but you're Richard Castle. I'm sure you could figure out some inane way out of all this."

Rick chuckled. "That's a nice way of looking at it."

She stood, smoothing her skirt. "I have to go – I'm going to be late for a date if I don't hurry."

"Yeah, of course. Sorry to have kept you so long if you were intending this to only be a two minute chat."

"No problem. When you two get this sorted out, I'll be happy."

Rick led her back out to the living room where Alexis was sprawled on the couch flicking through a magazine. She looked up as the pair approached in silence. "Are you off already, Lanie? Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?"

Lanie smiled. "Is she this accepting of all strangers?" she asked Rick.

He laughed. "Only ones her father trusts."

"Sorry sweetie, but not today. I have a date to prepare for," she winked at the teen, who grinned.

"Have a good night. Remember, tomorrow's a working day." Alexis winked back.

Lanie turned and stared between Rick and Alexis. "You sure she's your daughter?"

Rick laughed again and nodded, guiding her to the door. "Ninety-nine percent sure. Thank you, Lanie." She smiled and headed towards the elevator and he closed the door.

"Dinner time?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah," Rick sighed. "I suppose so."

* * *

"You're late." Kate Beckett looked up as her best friend of nearly nine years hurried into the busy diner.

"I know, I'm so sorry. I had a body who was trying to tell me all sorts of fibs," she lied. "I had to try and point him to the direction of truth."

Kate smiled weakly and rubbed her hands over her face. "I'm sorry. I've been a little bitchy today."

"So I've heard," Lanie said tentatively.

"From whom?"

"Uh, Kevin. He came down to ask me out again and the conversation turned to our days."

Kate laughed. "Is he _still_ trying to ask you out?"

"Yep," Lanie grinned, waving at a passing waitress for attention. "It's really kind of cute – I feel bad to say no all the time. I'll have the mushroom, bacon and tomato omelette, please," she said when the waitress came to their table.

"Any drinks with that?"

"Uh... a latte in a mug, please."

"Sure thing. And you, Ma'am?" The waitress looked in Kate's direction.

"Oh, uh, just a double shot cappuccino in a mug please."

"Anything to eat with that?"

"No."

"Yes."

The waitress looked between the pair as Kate glared at Lanie. "What?"

"Honey, you haven't eaten anything all day." At her annoyed and questioning glance, she added, "Kevin told me."

She rolled her eyes and looked at the menu. "Fine. I'll have the chicken and cheese toasted sandwich."

The waitress smiled and went to place their order in the kitchen.

"I'm starving. Haven't eaten anything since half a sandwich at lunch."

Kate smiled. "So you're having a breakfast meal?"

Lanie grinned. "Hey, it said twenty-four hour breakfasts, and I feel like a good deal of protein. So how was your day?"

"I thought you heard everything from Ryan," Kate muttered sarcastically.

She smiled. "I heard his side of the story. I want your side now."

"Fine. I have had better, and I've had worse." She refrained from adding that most of the worst days were when she was in that black pit of depression eight years ago.

"And it was all because of Castle's letter?"

Kate nodded. "That and about ten cases' worth of backed up paperwork," she rolled her eyes. "He's always annoyed me, but I never thought he'd annoy me so much that I'd be grumpy all day."

"He was only trying to help." Even as she said it, Lanie inwardly groaned. He'd been "only trying to help" on way too many occasions and endangered her favourite team's lives in the process. Unfortunately, the last time he tried to help, he threatened Kate's mental state, not her physical state.

"Yeah, that's what they all say," she muttered, tracing a pattern on the table.

"Sorry. Bad wording. But maybe you should give him a chance. Yeah, he screwed up and yes, he screwed up again trying to apologise. But he's a male – you can't expect too much of him."

The pair laughed and Kate looked up to see their coffees arriving. Once the waitress had left, promising their meals shortly, she said, "Why? I've honestly been happier without a six foot shadow all day."

"You keep telling yourself that and it might come true," Lanie muttered, stirring her latte.

Kate ignored the comment.

"I'm not saying you have to like the fact that he reopened your mother's case again, I'm just saying that maybe you should try forgiving him. His apologies mean well."

"At risk of sounding like a broken record, why?" Picking up a spoon, she dug into the mountain of foam on her drink. "If he can't say it well enough for me to really forgive him and I don't want to accept his apologies anyway, why do I have to pretend?"

Lanie sighed, setting her coffee on the table. "Because he's Richard Castle, and you're Kate Beckett." She paused, mainly for dramatic effect and began again. "He's Richard Castle, friend of the Mayor and man about town. Author of the Derrick Storm series, Nikki Heat and countless other stand-alone novels. He can get pretty much whatever he wants in town, including you. And you're Kate Beckett, the woman who dragged him out of his writer's block and inspired Nikki Heat. And whether you like it or not, if Richard Castle is willing to use you for inspiration and an excuse to chase a cop all day, you don't have much say in the matter."

"I wish I left him in his writer's block," she muttered. "So," she raised her voice to normal pitch, "because he's a rich, spoiled brat, I have to let him back into my life? Because that's what he'll expect?"

"No, because he's your friend you have to let him back into your life because he made a mistake and he admits that, and wants your forgiveness. Hell, I've made mistakes around you, but you're not about to cut me out of your life completely, are you?"

"I'm beginning to consider it," she mumbled under her breath. "Okay. So if I let him come back, then what? I can't trust him with anything again. He's betrayed that right forever."

"Just let things play out themselves."

"Yeah, because you're really doing that now," she scoffed. "I should go, try and get some sleep."

"But you haven't had dinner yet! Or even finished your coffee yet," Lanie pointed out.

Kate considered. "If we can shut up about Richard Castle, then I'll stay and eat."

Lanie grinned. "Fine. One last thing – you know that if you don't forgive him, he'll find some way of getting back into the station and following you around. He knows the people."

"Whatever. So when are you finally going to put Ryan out of his misery?"

* * *

After Rick had finished his meal with Alexis, he leaned against the counter, thinking. Something Lanie said had sparked a light bulb in his head. _You're a fiction writer, and you've already written a book about her. Don't try another._ Something like that, anyway. She was right – he should have known that Kate wouldn't appreciate something that even _resembled_ a novel. Even though, as he said to Lanie, it was meant to be easily distinguishable as non-fiction.

He had to do something, and the chances were still high that she wouldn't let him see her. The light bulb was flickering. He bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair.

Before he could think any further, the faint echoes of his phone ringing reached his ears.

* * *

**Monday 16****th**** November, 2009**

As he stepped out of the elevator, Javier Esposito glanced around the bullpen, looking for his boss. He prayed to whichever deity would listen that she was in a better mood today than she had been last week.

His search proved successful when he saw Kate in the break room, waiting for the espresso machine to heat up. Since she was otherwise occupied, and Javier didn't know whether she was still in her bad mood, he quickly made his way to her desk and dropped the envelope in his hand on her 'in' tray.

Then, whistling, he headed towards the break room for a morning cuppa. "Mornin', Boss," he called, entering the room.

Kate turned her head to face him. "Morning Esposito. How was your weekend?"

Javier smiled. So far, the dark mood showed no signs of being present. "It was great. My sister came over with her kids and we went out to the movies and played in the park and stuff. It was great; I always seem to be so busy with work that I never see any family."

Kate smiled, empathising with him. She didn't see her father as often as she'd like to, either. "Just as long as they all know you're there for them whenever they need you to be."

He grinned. "That's true. So how was your weekend?"

She paused before answering. "Good. I relaxed and tried not to think about all the backed up paperwork we have to do." She chuckled. "I'd better get started, I suppose." She poured a coffee and exited the room, bound for her desk. As she was sitting, she saw Ryan exit the elevator in her peripheral vision. "Morning Ryan," she said, lifting her eyes in greeting as he entered her main vision.

"Morning Boss. Esposito making coffee?"

Kate murmured a yes and reached for the first thing on her 'in' tray, an envelope. It was doubtless some forgotten part of a report from Lanie. It was addressed to _'Det. K Beckett, 12__th__ Precinct'_. The handwriting looked mildly familiar, but since her morning coffee hadn't quite swept all the cobwebs of sleep from her mind, she couldn't quite place where she'd seen it before.

Taking a sip of coffee, she tore the letter open. There was a single sheet, handwritten.

_Dear Kate,_

_Okay, so I know my last letter to you didn't work out as I planned, but please, give this a chance._

Great. Another suck-up letter from Castle. She was about to put it down, but Lanie's words from the other night echoed around in her head. _Give him a chance._ So, taking another sip of coffee, she did.

_I realised after I sent the last one why it didn't work, and I hope that this one's different enough so that you can find it somewhere in you to forgive me. See, I know the reason you hate me so much now is because I betrayed your trust and went behind your back about your mother. I completely understand you hating me for it now, but does it have to last forever?_

_I know I haven't given you Nikki Heat to read yet, but I just want you to know that not everything you tell me goes directly into the book. Some of it I just want to you about you, Kate Beckett. These are some things about you that I know that didn't go into the book._

_You have nearly all of Jodi Picoult's books on your bookshelf, even though you'd deny it to anyone who asked._

_You're allergic to white wine, and can only drink small amounts of red wine in one sitting. _

_Your favourite TV show is Who Wants to be a Millionaire__because you can always get all the answers._

_Your favourite movie is The Princess Bride._

_You really love working with Ryan and Esposito, and you couldn't handle it if something happened to them on your watch._

_Although you may not admit it, you give a little bit of yourself to every victim's family you meet._

_You danced around the living room to Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King when you were a little kid._

_Your first apartment smelled like chicken._

_You lost your mother in a random act of violence. _

_And:_

_Now you really hate me for bringing that to the surface of your mind. Again._

_Kate, I never meant to hurt you. I think I knew somewhere deep down that you'd react badly when I told you about it, even though I kept telling myself you'd want to know. I don't know why I didn't listen to that little part of me in the first place._

_I am so, so sorry. I know you won't believe me, and I don't blame you, but please, think about it. _

_I want to come and see you in person, if you'll let me. I know you probably haven't even finished reading this, and so there's no chance I can apologise in person, but please, if you have kept reading, let me tell you all this in person. _

_I understand if you don't want to._

_Rick_

Kate let out a long breath. She was so tempted to rip up the paper and throw it into her rubbish bin, never to be seen again, but something stopped her. Whether it was the sincerity of the letter, the fact that he _knew_ about everything on the list, or something Lanie had said last week, she didn't feel like it was right to throw out the letter. Yet.

Before she could mull over it any longer, her name was called, and Montgomery was motioning to her to come into his office.

Curious, she stood and followed him into the office.

"Beckett." Roy sighed, sitting behind his desk. "I know you won't like to hear this, but..."

Kate raised her eyebrow. This didn't sound good. "What, Sir?"

"Cosmo magazine wants a photo shoot for _Heat Wave_ next week. Castle's publisher has requested that we hold it here at the precinct."

Her eyes widened. "No! Tell them we can't!"

Roy bit his lip – a trait picked up by the detective standing before him. "I can't, Beckett. Having the photo shoot here will produce great publicity for the NYPD, something we haven't had for a while. We _need_ this publicity, Beckett."

"But, Sir –"

"No, Beckett. I don't care whether you've had a falling out with the writer, we need Cosmo to do their shoot here, and we need all our people – including you – to be on their best behaviour. We need this, Beckett. I'm sorry it will put you in a position you don't want to be in, but there's not much we can do about it."

Beckett steeled her mouth, preparing to argue, but then realised that there was little point. Sometimes she was able to twist the captain's finger, but apparently not this time. He was too adamant on getting this publicity for the department. "Yes Sir. Anything else?" When Roy shook his head, Beckett nodded at him and strode out the door.

Javier and Kevin looked up from their work when Kate stamped back into the bullpen.

"Boss?" Kevin asked tentatively. "We got a job?"

"No," Kate snapped. "We have a Cosmo magazine photo shoot next week. I'm going to kill him."

The boys' eyes met and they grinned. Cosmo photo shoot meant hot girls... lots of them. Unfortunately, it also meant that Kate was likely to be very grumpy the week preceding and the day of the shoot.

Kate reached her chair and flopped into it, picking up Castle's letter in the process. She tore it into four neat halves. "Bloody writers."


End file.
